Relationship plays a vital role in people’s life. The love and care that a partner shows alone give us peace of mind and huge sense of belonging. Relationship also contributes to health issues through expression of love and sex.
However, making a successful relationship is one of the most complicated things on earth now.
For instance, after seeing someone you love and want to be with them, uncertainties about; will this person love me back, and even when the person does, how sure things will work out into relationship continue to bother people’s mind for a long time.
And individual differences can potentially hamper the being together of two loving persons.
Today, people are searching for true love, and are putting in much effort to have a successful relationship. Despite the attention, money, gifts, breaking personal barriers, they don’t enjoy the positive outcomes of investment; happiness, longer relationship, care and attention, respect, sex and faithfulness.
When two people have finally met with hopes of being together, most of the times, relationship doesn’t occur at all despite evidences for a Juliet and Romeo affair. Sometimes too relationship occur but partners become unhappy and short live the mutual friendship.
Why do things happen that ways? Futball Surgery Relationship Personnel have studied a trend through one-on-one interviews with mostly women on important dating issues. In this post, evidence based factors, perhaps underpinned by the Personnel‘s findings, have been identified to explain why relationships are no longer successful in modern times. This piece best suits Ghana and cultures with similar characteristics with the West African country.
Poor understanding about relationship
This goes down to how people have wrongfully assumed relationship to be but in the real world, relationship is not organize like that, the personnel revealed. “Before you meet someone you love out there, they already have in mind the direction a friendship should move which they hold so tight that it overshadows a potential partner’s effort to make a relationship work. Once a chaser for example doesn’t dance to the music, the first person (usually the Girl/Woman) simple don’t value the ‘little’ effort the chaser (usually the man) makes for a successful relationship to occur”, the Personnel themed.
They continued, “This is not a deliberate decision of many people who are being chased into a relationship but it’s a grooming of their natural mindset which if later or along the line they become aware of they value the ‘push’ from a prospective partner for the relationship to flow because they change from their initial wrongful mindset”.
These wrong assumptions run from daily relations with a partner through demand or provision of physical and material needs to expression of emotions in the relationship. Many men and women both judge certain things in relationships wrongly therefore leading to misunderstanding and poor communication between partners.
The most frequently identified poor understanding is that most women have problem with the frequency of ‘check-up’ on them by their prospective boyfriends, and that these women perceive that they should hear from their ‘boy’ every day which in the real world of relationship if it happens is a plus but failure shouldn’t break a relationship.
Because they hold this ‘everyday check-up’ understanding, which is a poor perception, they cannot tolerate the 4-5 times a-week ‘check-up’ on them from the boyfriend. They feel ‘unloved’ by the average 5 times-a-week ‘check-up’ and push their boyfriends to call them everyday.
Majority of women who held this perception were on course or definitely sought fill-in from elsewhere- which nearly or hampered a successful relationship. There is also a general notion that boyfriends should always do the checking-up. While this is cultural true and acceptable in many African societies including Ghana, it’s practically wrong in real world of true love where women can also sometimes check-up on their boyfriends in early stages off meeting.
With most women wrongfully demanding that their boyfriends should always call them first, coupled with doing it everyday, where they unintentionally don’t accept a 5 times-a-week check-up, and when these come with the boyfriends’ other life schedules, it puts a huge burden on men which they tend to quite the relationship or stop chasing a new lady they have just met.
To save the relationship, most women should understand that a prospective boyfriend who is serious in life has other important aspects of life that equally require time to be successful. They should understand to accept the little effort to reduce men’s burden in chasing and will take the odd days to call boyfriends if they want a long successful relationship with them.
It’s understood that if women initiate a ‘check-up’ it makes them sexy and mature with equally matured boyfriends afraiding to lose such women than those who delay men in life.
People are simply not ready for relationship
This is not about poor understanding of relationship or age- thus how people are young that is preventing them from entering into relationship. The Personnel coined, “For a majority of people are not ready for a relationship”. For some of these are people who have been into various forms of relationship- loving, caring, abusive, deceitful, manipulative, and rivalry, who have learnt from past experiences and have not only groomed into matured partners but marriageable materials as well but are not considering entering into just any relationship at present”.
“Some of these majority are concentrated on academics, businesses, religious and social lives and believe being into a relationship will be a devastating distraction to the goal”, the Personnel said.
They advise, so if you have just met a matured someone you love in a bid to turn him or her into a life-time partner or marry them but they have not been given you the attention needed for a successful relationship just accept that he or she may not be ready for a relationship at the moment. This save you time and resources than bothering around their decision.
There appears another aspect of those unready for a relationship. Most men like for some women, have tried committing a person they found beautiful, handsome, intelligent and elegance into a serious relationship but things have not been working between parties.
Many men have falling in love, doing all that they can to be into relationship with the desired women but these Girls are only interested in other forms of friendship instead but not into a committed or serious relationship. Most of women are already into and prefer to be in “friends with benefits”, economic support and casual sex routine but have unattached emotions and love to such type of friendships, the Personnel revealed.
This wave of ‘unready’ people only focus on what they will earn from a partner while ignoring the benefits they should do for the opposite party. They only compliment when a partner has done something (mostly bought them a luxurious smart phone or restaurant package).
They usually have many sexual partners at the same time, which means they forbid single sexual relationship most of the times. The reliability, trustworthiness and commitment of this category are highly questionable.
So despite the efforts of many men to commit their desired women or women to commit desired men into a serious relationship, the partner appears uncommittable because they are only ready for friends with benefits, normal sex and other forms and not serious relationship.
The Personnel revealed these two aspects to be one of the most common explanations why relationship nowadays in Ghana and across African societies are not working like it should be.
Immaturity in a relationship include a deliberated act to intentionally hurt your partner, to do something to make your partner or crash feel inferior, and claim victory instead of focusing on solutions in the presence of problems. All these impact a relationship’s success.
Maturity on the other hand relates to having the thought or doing the necessary things to make everyone happy and satisfied in the relationship.
In times of trouble, the matured mind tries to save the relationship by compromising on personnel barriers that if held on may thrash the relationship. For a clearer understanding of who the matured person is, the one who has assessed true love balance, has come to learn that both individuals love themselves with passion, and always strive not to hurt that existing love, was brought into being by the Personnel.
Matured people in relationship somehow, somewhere along the line play games though however minimize rate of them, reduce risks of entrapment, risks for drama in the respectful friendship. They also appear not think of breaking up for another person on menial issues that could be solved.
It has been revealed that the best form of immaturity usually begins when a man has seen a woman and is chasing her to commit her into a serious relationship. At this point, many women try to play the “hard to get” game’, but most of these games are pure sign of immaturity which lead to discouragement for a prospective man to pursue a woman. For example, habitual delaying or failing to answer a man’s call/chat/email without contacting back, completely cause not every man though, but perhaps, many true men serious for a committed relationship to stop chasing a woman.
Matured women also play the “hard-to-get” game but the difference is that mature women always leave a sign that they are interested or give a clue that the man should continue the chase. The Personnel came up that for mature women, they will call back, either later the day after ‘deliberately’ omitting your calls or the next day to give excuses for her inconvenient actions and even ask of a man’s health, work or family- which is a great sign they leave to show that they are interested in a relationship going forward. For immature women, they will never call back and even question a man why he is bothering them with calls meanwhile the woman will be interested in the man.
Aside mature women giving a sign that they are interested in midst of playing games, they completely stop these antics along the line to get things on the next level. If it’s a call she initially rejects or delays, she stops this action as time moves on and starts building more mutual respect behaviors. However, many immature women haven’t realized when they need to stop playing games and they keep their behaviors to collapse a potential successful relationship.
Another wave of immaturity found is that in phase of a problem, one partner is interested in blaming the other instead of focusing on solving the problem though apportion blames may be part of the process of problem solving in the relationship. The desire to prove to the ‘world’ that the other partner is at fault puts a stop to a growing relationship. Mature people are able to face the test of temptations and challenges in a relationship without a severe hold onto blaming a partner.
Lack of committed prayers
Prayers do so many unforeseen things in relationships. When you pray over your relationship is like you are telling God that this is the man or woman you want to be with, and then ‘HE’ begins to make things work between the two of you.Or simply reveals to you this person isn’t your person and certainly you stop investing time, money and love.
Prayers also reveal the true life style of your proposed partner, and perhaps change his or her attitude to your favour. Proven beyond reasonable doubt, prayer is the only thing that is capable of changing people from being fake to a trusted partner, only if the working strategies are integrated. However, most people have failed to seek prayers in their relationship. The Personnel found out that 2 in 10 men and 4 in 10 women pray about a person they have met and are willing to date.
But why do people not pray about their relationship?
There are several reasons why people usually don’t pray over their relationship. Some of them include the thought that prayer is not the BEST solution for his/her relationship problems, guiltiness of sex and the idea that this person wouldn’t or isn’t my marriage partner, therefore there is no need to pray over him/her.
The problems that failure to pray bring to most upcoming relationships of today are quarrel, disrespect, cheating and dating wrong people, therefore leading to unstable emotional connections and sometimes break ups.
Habitual prayer over the relationship can prevent these problems, but one shouldn’t forget to involve the other partner in prayers, and sometimes the both of you can pray over your relationship together.
It’s revealed that people who don’t pray over their relationship have unstable relationships. And those who initially had unstable relationships, when they began to pray they have a stable and have become more compatible with their partners.
Cheating is another major reason why relationships are not working nowadays. Cheating is a pure sign of immaturity in relationship especially in situations where both parties love each other. People cheat not because they cannot control themselves from unfaithfulness but is because they always look for the reasons and excuses to do so.
The situations that became uncontrollable in the longer run that led to cheating could have initially be trimmed or ward-off as committed lovers of someone else but the held on to certain desires, which people couldn’t know the longer run impact, caused most unfaithfulness.
Remaining faithful to your partner is a matter of psychological decision than situational discomfort or problem. In the world today, cheating is ending so many relationships sooner than expected.
People who are not single and into serious committed relationship seek extra sexual affairs. One of the end product is that those who have been cheated on decline from performing their vital duties in the relationship or chasing stage causing what has been termed “ghost-relationship”. “For example, as tension mounts in early stage of cheating, most women and men alike stop contacting each other but there may still be emotions connecting the two from afar. As time goes on, both especially the woman, if she is the one cheated on break up with her man but is not different for the opposite sex either”, the Personnel said.
Another end product of the cheating is that those who have been cheated and keen on quitting may not necessarily do so but would cheat back as a revenge which leads to worsening and the problem never get solved. The cheating back as a revenge depends on the maturity level and values of the person who have been cheated, and many matured people may tend not to but instead quit the partner for a new chapter.
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